reedy's rambles

I think it is close to 1:15 in the morning. I still want to get so much accomplished before I take a cold shower, that still won't be cold enough, and go to sleep. Needless to say, Joe and I are a little overwhelmed today.

Today was our last day of work. And it was a horrible day. Orietta and Santiago called a meeting. Now, the end of the year meeting should be a celebration and a time to share job well dones. Or at the very least, a time to say goodbye to those of us who were leaving.

However, our bosses had something in mind . . . They discussed all of their pet peeves from the year: Personal days, Sick time, Staff children, Accidents, and the list goes on. Joe was so sad that he ended with memories like that. We had a potluck afterwards and then most teachers scurried out. It was anti-climatic. I don't care about so many of those people, but Joe worked there for 8 years. He gave up so much for them, and not even a card?? Come on, that is ridiculous. I don't think I am being selfish, but it did reconfirm that I needed to leave that school.

On a positive note, Joe and I are going to stay in a hotel our last 2 nites in Puerto Rico! We are really looking forward to that. I plan on just breathing and trying to remember my name.

Goodness Gracious! Is anybody keeping count?? I have one week left here in sunny, beautiful Puerto Rico! I have been on the verge (and sometimes not so verge, but very overflowing) of tears for a while now. I feel really busy which is really good, as it helps keep my mind off of everything that is happening way too fast right now.

Graduation was yesterday. They gave Joe and I each a plaque and gave a little speech. It (of course) made me cry. I spoke at graduation which made me so and so nervous, but everything turned out okay. Thank God for notes, podiums, and kleenex.

Today is Joe's birthday. A *large* group of us met at Damon's to surprise him. I even blindfolded him! We all ate too much and laughed and laughed. It was really fun! Our waitress was so on top of everything that she amazed me.

I sold my car today. The money feels nice, but she's gone. My pink car is gone. I now (again) own nothing of value. It felt good to have a car title in my hands and know that something was all mine.

It is so hot here! Sleeping has once again reached difficult levels. Come February, I will re-read this and curse the writer for being so whiny about warmth and sun!

I feel as if I am a bear waking up from hibernation. Yesterday at school, I waged a war against allergies. They caught me off-guard because I had no weapons with me. I was just about to be declared a casualty of war, when the receptionist hands me her Zyrtec. Moments later, the enemy scattered. My body fought the Zyrtec. It made me so tired, so very tired. I barely made it through the day. When I got home, I collapsed into bed until 7:30. I woke up, ate some dinner, and went back to bed. I just woke up at 8:50 in the morning. That is such a crazy feeling. I don't feel well-rested, just really "off." I hate feeling off.

Today is so and so crazy. I have so much to do! And here I am just wasting time, ok no more . . .

I was so productive today! I got almost all of end of the year paper work done. Report cards are finished, my room is almost bare, and almost all of my students' belongings are tucked safely in their homes. I only had 10 students, as did the other fifth grade teacher, so we gave each other prep periods by her taking all the students for an hour, and then I took her students for an hour. In my classroom, we had a Boom-O tournament which was actually fun. I also re-learned how to play Old Maid-- I hate that game! My students knew which card was the Old Maid card because the corner was bent, but did anyone bother to tell me this trick? Noooooo, so guess who was the Old Maid, game after game after game?

Last night I made Joe play a game. He's not one for my silly antics, but sometimes in the name of being a good friend, he humors me. We played the 5 senses in Puerto Rico game.

We decided:
Puerto Rico sounds like the song of the coquis and waves crashing.
Puerto Rico smells like saltwater and at times sulfur (over Road #2 by the factories, you just want to curl up and die).
Puerto Rico tastes like (ok, here's where the game ended because we just started talking about food that tastes different here than anywhere else) mangoes, avocados, tostones, pinchos, piraguas, Coronas, yucca, rice, beans, and cilantro.

If I had to finish . . .
Puerto Rico looks like blue-- blue ocean, blue sky, the bluest of all blues.
Puerto Rico feels like sun on your back, sand between your toes, and a crowded dance club.

Someone remind me that this world is not my home and as Christians we are strangers everywhere we go . . .

Last night I had an encounter with a community.

They met inside a building, but it was obviously just a place to gather together. I think they would have been satisfied with a tent if they needed to be. They mingled effortlessly without paying attention to the often dividing lines of color, weight, gender, or age. What amazed me was the level of acceptance. A man came in a wheelchair, but had no shortage of dance partners. I was surprised to see a group of people signing, and I was told that only a couple were actually deaf, the others learned so that they could communicate. A man that was probably rejected from other communities with his short stature, Buddha belly, and thinning ponytail was the star of the show. They meet every week, usually more than once. It is a real community, one built on common goals, acceptance, and unity. There was no condemnation or ulterior motives.

I think we could learn a lot about real community from gay clubs. People are desperate for communities of love and acceptance. I just kept thinking, "When are we going to learn?"

Pastor Parker just called me, he's the pastor of the church I attend here in Puerto Rico. He wants to meet with me and discuss my dreams and plans before I leave Puerto Rico. He also slid, "and to see if coming back to Puerto Rico fits . . ." into the conversation. We're meeting tomorrow after school. Why do I have a feeling this conversation is going to be emotional?

Today is day 2 of my personal days. I am going to mail more boxes, get a haircut (and my eyebrows waxed), and look to see if I can find a dress to wear to a friend's wedding/ graduation this month.

GRADUATION. I almost forgot I am giving the message at graduation this year. I should start working on that . . . I think I might talk about getting dressed in the armor of Christ.

Oh, I got my picture of Ja-Rule and me! I look hot, Ja-Rule looks tough. I am going to make wallet sized copies for everyone!

It is Sunday morning, and I usually love Sunday mornings. Last night, I went to bed early because I was exhausted and still sunburned, but I didn't "sleep through the night." I just kept waking up. Partly due to the three glass of iced tea I had at Chili's with the girls last nite, and partly due to an overall sense of anxiousness. So, I am awake, and it is quite peaceful, but I still feel tired and not ready for Children's Church at all!

I am convinced that my hair is falling out. I have been assured that this happens during "seasons" of our life, but that is of little comfort to me. People I ask have helped me blame stress, but no one has yet to deny my claim, which honestly is what I have been fishing for.

People often tell me that I am just like my dad. When they say this, I know it isn't always meant as a compliment. It usually means that I am being a stickler to some card game rule, arguing over a principle of a few cents at a store, or refusing to acknowledge someone's opinion as equal to my own. But when someone tells me I am like my mom, I know it is meant as a sincere compliment. My mom is funny, creative, strong, loyal and independent. Today being Mother's Day, I just want to let you know why I love my mom!

* She once stayed up half the night making Barbi outfits resemble Greek gods and goddesses for a mythology project.

* She taught me how to use the bathroom in a swimsuit without taking it off

* She taught me through example what it means to be the big sister

* She has real street smarts and instincts you can trust

* She is silly, and can break out into song and dance at any time or place

* She doesn't ever put pressure on me, but trusts my decisions

Seriously, there are a million reasons why I love my mom. She's an amazing woman!

Happy Mother's Day everyone!

Today was a horrible day.

Today is Students' Day. It is a half day of school, where we have chapel, give out awards, and have a party. It is usually a good day, but not today.

Kevin would not accept any of his awards because he didn't get a math award, instead I gave him a participation award labeled for math. He wasn't one of the highest students, nor a student who works especially hard. He just loves math, and thought he should get one. He went outside and cried.

Cesar complained he only got 2 awards. Cesar refuses to do homework, but is intelligent. Lazy, but smart. It was hard to find 2 awards to give to him.

Juan Carlos cried that he couldn't watch Beavis and Butthead, and that I wouldn't let them go outside.

Juan Carlos and Cesar got into a fist/ kicking fight over mean words. They both cried.

Luis refused to look or talk to me because I made him come inside after he called a 6th grade student "chicken" (in Spanish), which in Puerto Rican culture is a slang word for a gay man's lover.

Several students complained that there weren't enough snacks (the students were in charge of bringing the snacks).

I gave out a bag of candy and a book, one student asked me why they only got one twix.

Now, they are not all selfish brats.

Some of the girls tried everything they could to make me feel better. They wrote messages on the board to me, cleaned up the classroom (all on their own, after the party), and one girl came up to me and put her arm around me as I was sitting at my desk, and said, "Teacher, boys can be so stupid sometimes, right?"

So, maybe today wasn't a complete disaster after all.

It is raining, and I have the whole evening with nothing extracurricular planned. The Friends finale is on tonite, and there is no school tomorrow, AND I took Monday and Tuesday as my personal days. I need these five days to remind myself why I love those boys.

When I was in high school, I worked for Kingdom Christian Academy after school. I never applied to the job, Bev came up to me one day after church and asked if I would be interested. I interviewed with her that summer, and started in the fall.

I remember coming early, so I could talk to Bev in her classroom. I also remember telling her that I would never teach in a private, Christian school. It just wasn't for me. I think she smiled; you know the one-- that knowing smile that meant she was amused. I think she knew. I think she knew that my heart would change.

I remember a CIY where I cried for hours after watching a movie where a Christian teen's family went to Hell (horrible, horrible movie). I remember she cried too, and just kept whispering, "I know, I know." A couple years later, she volunteered to be my sister Lisa's roommate at CIY.

I can't believe it has been a year. I just can't believe it. But I do know that her "gifts" to me will be passed on.

God, I know we should be joyful when someone reunites with you in Heaven. But we are human, simple humans, and we don't understand eternity. Wrap your arms around Bev's family today. Be their refuge and tower of strength. Help us to follow the example of kindness, love, and compassion that Bev taught us everyday. Help us to "pick up where she left off" in so many ways-- with her family, with children . . . Lord, we put all of our love and trust in you, AMEN.

This Iraqi prisoner abuse scandal makes me sick. It makes me absolutely sick.

Somedays, I am so excited I could jump out of my skin.

Somedays, I get this choking, suffocating feeling deep in my chest, and I have to close my eyes and remind myself I still know how to breathe.

Why is change so hard for us people? Why do we crave it, then fight it the entire way?

I don't know if I can even put into words what I am so scared about. I always knew Puerto Rico was a short-term idea, and I knew it would hurt to leave. I knew this the first day I came to Puerto Rico. I looked into my professor's eyes and saw how she breathed a sigh that hinted she was a wayward daughter coming home.

I am more upset that I have no "down-time" here. I do not even have a week after work where I can say my goodbyes with the island. I have 2 days after I finish work. 2 days is not enough. I think I need to stop going to work now.

I am fighting the evil spirit that often takes residence when I am going through life changes. He isn't winning right now, but he sure is taking some shots.

I think today I am going to just breathe a little more deeply, and pray for clarity of my senses, so I can take pictures in my mind all day. I also think I am going to buy a camera and use all the film today, and not develop it until I get to St. Louis.