Saturday, May 01, 2004
Somedays, I am so excited I could jump out of my skin.
Somedays, I get this choking, suffocating feeling deep in my chest, and I have to close my eyes and remind myself I still know how to breathe.
Why is change so hard for us people? Why do we crave it, then fight it the entire way?
I don't know if I can even put into words what I am so scared about. I always knew Puerto Rico was a short-term idea, and I knew it would hurt to leave. I knew this the first day I came to Puerto Rico. I looked into my professor's eyes and saw how she breathed a sigh that hinted she was a wayward daughter coming home.
I am more upset that I have no "down-time" here. I do not even have a week after work where I can say my goodbyes with the island. I have 2 days after I finish work. 2 days is not enough. I think I need to stop going to work now.
I am fighting the evil spirit that often takes residence when I am going through life changes. He isn't winning right now, but he sure is taking some shots.
I think today I am going to just breathe a little more deeply, and pray for clarity of my senses, so I can take pictures in my mind all day. I also think I am going to buy a camera and use all the film today, and not develop it until I get to St. Louis.
Somedays, I get this choking, suffocating feeling deep in my chest, and I have to close my eyes and remind myself I still know how to breathe.
Why is change so hard for us people? Why do we crave it, then fight it the entire way?
I don't know if I can even put into words what I am so scared about. I always knew Puerto Rico was a short-term idea, and I knew it would hurt to leave. I knew this the first day I came to Puerto Rico. I looked into my professor's eyes and saw how she breathed a sigh that hinted she was a wayward daughter coming home.
I am more upset that I have no "down-time" here. I do not even have a week after work where I can say my goodbyes with the island. I have 2 days after I finish work. 2 days is not enough. I think I need to stop going to work now.
I am fighting the evil spirit that often takes residence when I am going through life changes. He isn't winning right now, but he sure is taking some shots.
I think today I am going to just breathe a little more deeply, and pray for clarity of my senses, so I can take pictures in my mind all day. I also think I am going to buy a camera and use all the film today, and not develop it until I get to St. Louis.
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