Sunday, July 25, 2004
I went away this weekend and saw my brother and his family. I have the world's cutest niece and nephew. They are seriously the absolute cutest children ever and so so smart. I had great conversations with my sister-in-law about everything and nothing. I also got to see my brother "in action." He cracks me up. He is still the ever-awkward male around children, but man does he try. Sara and I agree the trying part is what it is all about.
He doesn't tell Sara when the baby is dirty, he just changes her himself. But when that baby is screaming in his arms for more than fifteen minutes, he gets a wild look in his eye and pleads rather strongly for his partner in parenting. She smiles and says she's coming. She knew he'd be calling because we could hear the baby monitor's wailing protests, but she stills smiles because fifteen minutes was enough time for her to actually finish an ice cream sundae.
I needed this weekend. It reminded me why I needed to come home from Puerto Rico.
He doesn't tell Sara when the baby is dirty, he just changes her himself. But when that baby is screaming in his arms for more than fifteen minutes, he gets a wild look in his eye and pleads rather strongly for his partner in parenting. She smiles and says she's coming. She knew he'd be calling because we could hear the baby monitor's wailing protests, but she stills smiles because fifteen minutes was enough time for her to actually finish an ice cream sundae.
I needed this weekend. It reminded me why I needed to come home from Puerto Rico.
Wednesday, July 21, 2004
Today is a day where everything reminds me of Puerto Rico. The shoes I am wearing-- bought them my first year in Puerto Rico. The scarf I am wearing as a belt-- bought it as part of my leaving Puerto Rico outfit. My jeans-- Old Navy in Puerto Rico. My purse-- Christmas present from a student in Puerto Rico. And you know what bother me the most? The thought that soon there might not be so many visible reminders. Or I'll forget where things came from or the silly shopping story behind them.
I did call a friend today that also moved from Puerto Rico this year. It was reassuring to know that even though she is in New Jersey, we both understood the heartache.
Dear Puerto Rico,
The driver's license you gave me is still in my wallet along with a meaningless receipt and a parking lot boleto. I just can't take them out yet. You changed me so completely, and I thank you for that. You helped me be comfortable in my own skin, I needed to learn that. You taught me to depend on God, myself, and others all at the same time. I miss your ocean breezes, your blue bricked streets, your loud people, your breathtaking views, and the feeling of being part of someplace so special with so much pride and love. I am sorry I had to leave. It's not that it was "too hard" or even too hot. You taught me how important family was, and I needed to be close to them. I love you and I know I'll see you soon!
Completely Enchanted,
Jenn
I did call a friend today that also moved from Puerto Rico this year. It was reassuring to know that even though she is in New Jersey, we both understood the heartache.
Dear Puerto Rico,
The driver's license you gave me is still in my wallet along with a meaningless receipt and a parking lot boleto. I just can't take them out yet. You changed me so completely, and I thank you for that. You helped me be comfortable in my own skin, I needed to learn that. You taught me to depend on God, myself, and others all at the same time. I miss your ocean breezes, your blue bricked streets, your loud people, your breathtaking views, and the feeling of being part of someplace so special with so much pride and love. I am sorry I had to leave. It's not that it was "too hard" or even too hot. You taught me how important family was, and I needed to be close to them. I love you and I know I'll see you soon!
Completely Enchanted,
Jenn
Sunday, July 18, 2004
Today was Brandi's shower. I still can't believe she's having a baby. I am so excited for her, I can't see straight. I am so glad that many people came and no one seemed too bored. I can remember walking around St. Kevin's just talking about our futures, somewhere between here and there, our futures happened.
So, I have been having an anger problem lately, I just feel so annoyed inside. I also seem to be slipping back into old struggles. I hate that. It depresses me faster than anything else ever could. I feel insecure and out of place.
I had a dream the other night, that I found a secret passage way to Old San Juan. It was an amazing dream. I knew I had to walk fast and enjoy everything because I had to get back quickly. I miss Puerto Rico, and it makes me sad to not be able to share that. I am scared that talking about it with Joe will make his depression worse. Scared that my friends will think it means that they are not enough for me. I think if anyone knew the thoughts that go through my mind or how close to tears I feel so often, they would have me committed.
So, I have been having an anger problem lately, I just feel so annoyed inside. I also seem to be slipping back into old struggles. I hate that. It depresses me faster than anything else ever could. I feel insecure and out of place.
I had a dream the other night, that I found a secret passage way to Old San Juan. It was an amazing dream. I knew I had to walk fast and enjoy everything because I had to get back quickly. I miss Puerto Rico, and it makes me sad to not be able to share that. I am scared that talking about it with Joe will make his depression worse. Scared that my friends will think it means that they are not enough for me. I think if anyone knew the thoughts that go through my mind or how close to tears I feel so often, they would have me committed.
Saturday, July 10, 2004
Today I went with Brandi to Soulard's Market in St. Louis which is our big Farmer's Market. It was fantastic. Brandi took pictures of fruits and vegetables for my kitchen and I bought some yummy examples of God's finest.
I feel more settled. I feel calmer about being back in St. Louis. I think it is because the "obstacle" of Summer School is over now, and I have two weeks of vacation before I begin with my new teaching assignment of . . . 6th graders. I met some 6th graders this summer in Summer School, and I swear the cafeteria is feeding them steroids. They're gargantuan!
Joe is exploring his newly discovered Jewish heritage. He goes to Temple every Friday night. I am proud of him for his enthusiasm to learn about Judaism, to understand it, and his quest of discovery. God, he is searching for you. Find him! Draw him close to you, whisper to him, and lead him into Your arms.
Oooh, I smell the roast my mom is cooking. So what that I am at home again, we don't have cable or internet yet!
I feel more settled. I feel calmer about being back in St. Louis. I think it is because the "obstacle" of Summer School is over now, and I have two weeks of vacation before I begin with my new teaching assignment of . . . 6th graders. I met some 6th graders this summer in Summer School, and I swear the cafeteria is feeding them steroids. They're gargantuan!
Joe is exploring his newly discovered Jewish heritage. He goes to Temple every Friday night. I am proud of him for his enthusiasm to learn about Judaism, to understand it, and his quest of discovery. God, he is searching for you. Find him! Draw him close to you, whisper to him, and lead him into Your arms.
Oooh, I smell the roast my mom is cooking. So what that I am at home again, we don't have cable or internet yet!
Sunday, July 04, 2004
This morning, Independence Day, I woke up in my new apartment. Talk about Independence! So where am I spending today? At my parents' house.
We don't have cable or a phone line yet, which basically means that we can watch movie after movie. Last night (and this morning)I watched Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves.
Last night, Dacia came over with the kids and we all went to Wal-Mart. Before we got in the car, Kennedy saw a deer on the property of my apartment. Then we saw two. It was a "pause" moment in time. Keenan broke the pondering, by saying, "Dad should go deer hunting here." Kadi, not wanting to be left out of offering insight said, "I want to be a deer." Kadi is always up for a good game of tag.
Brandi was over yesterday, and let me tell you, she is just an anchor to me. No one in the world has ever had a better best friend than I have in Brandi.
Oooh I am being called for Shish Kabobs. In Puerto Rico, they were Pinchos. Mmmmm pinchos on the beach . . . And Mmmmmm shish kabobs at my parents' house with the people I love the most. You win some, you lose some.
We don't have cable or a phone line yet, which basically means that we can watch movie after movie. Last night (and this morning)I watched Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves.
Last night, Dacia came over with the kids and we all went to Wal-Mart. Before we got in the car, Kennedy saw a deer on the property of my apartment. Then we saw two. It was a "pause" moment in time. Keenan broke the pondering, by saying, "Dad should go deer hunting here." Kadi, not wanting to be left out of offering insight said, "I want to be a deer." Kadi is always up for a good game of tag.
Brandi was over yesterday, and let me tell you, she is just an anchor to me. No one in the world has ever had a better best friend than I have in Brandi.
Oooh I am being called for Shish Kabobs. In Puerto Rico, they were Pinchos. Mmmmm pinchos on the beach . . . And Mmmmmm shish kabobs at my parents' house with the people I love the most. You win some, you lose some.
