Friday, February 27, 2004
I gave the Chapel message today. It was about "filling our cup." I used a basketball, money, books, and food to try to fill my cup labeled "life." I talked about how none of it "fits" to fill us up, and how some people get so tired trying to fill up their life that they become miserable (I flipped the cup over and there was a sad face. Then I took a cup labeled "God" (filled with red paper squares), and filled the cup completely. I told the kids that God's love is amazing because you can't run out and the more you use, the more God pours. But here's the reason I'm telling you this, as I was "pouring God's love" I felt convicted, I was praying for a "refill" as I was speaking to the students. I need God to pour and pour. "Fill my cup, up, and let it overflow."
I can't tell you how worried I am about "tomorrow." I am scared about getting a job, amongst every other issue. I have to keep talking myself down from a anxiety attack.
Joe came to my room on Thursday, and suggested after school we go to this outdoor cafe near the ocean that sells wraps and frozen yogurt. I felt like a kid whose parent suggested a surprise trip. It gave the day something to look forward to. We sat outside and just watched people, made up their life stories, and laughed at the joggers' outfits. We took to a walk to the ocean, and I tried everything I could to capture the moment. I am so scared of living away from the ocean again.
I can't tell you how worried I am about "tomorrow." I am scared about getting a job, amongst every other issue. I have to keep talking myself down from a anxiety attack.
Joe came to my room on Thursday, and suggested after school we go to this outdoor cafe near the ocean that sells wraps and frozen yogurt. I felt like a kid whose parent suggested a surprise trip. It gave the day something to look forward to. We sat outside and just watched people, made up their life stories, and laughed at the joggers' outfits. We took to a walk to the ocean, and I tried everything I could to capture the moment. I am so scared of living away from the ocean again.
Sunday, February 22, 2004
At church we use Willow Creek's Children's Church curriculum. I really like it because it uses the small group concept with children and it has really worked at our church here. My group is all boys and we have really gelled together. Today we all went upstairs to watch one of our kids get baptized.
A five year old in my group, Carlos, that was a visitor (and an exact replica to the boy in Stepmom) was scared to walk through church so we held hands and I tried my best to explain what was going to happen. He thought the minister was an angel. Then as the minister was baptizing the kid, Carlos gasped and got really scared. He climbed on my lap and demanded answers to his million questions, right then. Where did that boy go? Was the angel hurting him? Why is he wet? Am I next?
Sometimes we forget that our rituals can be scary and confusing to kids. I know it was so confusing to me when I first started going to church. I let Carlos know that no one was ever going to make him get in the water and that right now he just needed to love Jesus. The look of relief on his face was extremely apparent.
Then when we all got downstairs, all the kids talked about baptism. The kids that were baptized already had mixed emotions. Overheard comments: "I almost drowned and they almost had to use those masks on me to wake up." "I didn't want to do it, but you sometimes have to." "I get baptized every day." We talked about it in our small groups and discussed why God wants us to be baptized and exactly what happens. It was an exciting day.
We can talk about baptism doctrine until we're blue in the face, but it doesn't change the fact that it can be a scary thing for kids, along with many other things about church. Our small group leaders are awesome and we all try so hard to make church a safe, calm, and understandable for all kids, especially visiting kids.
Today has just really made me think again about church from a non-Christian perspective. I don't buy into the shallow "seeker-sensitive" nonsense, but I do agree that church needs to be real and understandable for everyone.
It has also re-ignited my desire to write a book for Young People that do not come from Christian homes. Something that youth ministers could give to young visitors that makes church understandable and meaningful-- along with the Christian life, so that they don't feel like outcasts.
Ok, lighter side note-- My students can't stop singing the Quizno's retarded hamster songs. Well, neither can I . . . Admit it, the absurdity makes you at least smile!
A five year old in my group, Carlos, that was a visitor (and an exact replica to the boy in Stepmom) was scared to walk through church so we held hands and I tried my best to explain what was going to happen. He thought the minister was an angel. Then as the minister was baptizing the kid, Carlos gasped and got really scared. He climbed on my lap and demanded answers to his million questions, right then. Where did that boy go? Was the angel hurting him? Why is he wet? Am I next?
Sometimes we forget that our rituals can be scary and confusing to kids. I know it was so confusing to me when I first started going to church. I let Carlos know that no one was ever going to make him get in the water and that right now he just needed to love Jesus. The look of relief on his face was extremely apparent.
Then when we all got downstairs, all the kids talked about baptism. The kids that were baptized already had mixed emotions. Overheard comments: "I almost drowned and they almost had to use those masks on me to wake up." "I didn't want to do it, but you sometimes have to." "I get baptized every day." We talked about it in our small groups and discussed why God wants us to be baptized and exactly what happens. It was an exciting day.
We can talk about baptism doctrine until we're blue in the face, but it doesn't change the fact that it can be a scary thing for kids, along with many other things about church. Our small group leaders are awesome and we all try so hard to make church a safe, calm, and understandable for all kids, especially visiting kids.
Today has just really made me think again about church from a non-Christian perspective. I don't buy into the shallow "seeker-sensitive" nonsense, but I do agree that church needs to be real and understandable for everyone.
It has also re-ignited my desire to write a book for Young People that do not come from Christian homes. Something that youth ministers could give to young visitors that makes church understandable and meaningful-- along with the Christian life, so that they don't feel like outcasts.
Ok, lighter side note-- My students can't stop singing the Quizno's retarded hamster songs. Well, neither can I . . . Admit it, the absurdity makes you at least smile!
Friday, February 20, 2004
On Pres. Day, I went to the beach. A beautiful beach with huge waves-- not too many beaches near me have big waves. The sun was beautiful. There were these huge rocks next to us; mini cliffs. I went with a group of friends from church, we played football and volleyball. We spent the day falling and laughing, being pushed to the shore, eating and passing around the variety of snacks everyone brought. At one point I remembered to stop time, look around me and take it all in. I just want it to carry me through winter next year!
Today I am so loving the smell of ginger, the taste of dark chocolate, the show "Charmed," and the sound of rain on leaves.
I wish my apartment would clean itself, I could see my sisters, and I would know I have a job in St. Louis for next year.
Things I have been addicted to lately-- Law and Order SVU, Chocolate Soy Milk, instant oatmeal, my cell phone, Torengos with a hint of Pepper Jack Cheese, and the Chronicles of Narnia.
Today I am so loving the smell of ginger, the taste of dark chocolate, the show "Charmed," and the sound of rain on leaves.
I wish my apartment would clean itself, I could see my sisters, and I would know I have a job in St. Louis for next year.
Things I have been addicted to lately-- Law and Order SVU, Chocolate Soy Milk, instant oatmeal, my cell phone, Torengos with a hint of Pepper Jack Cheese, and the Chronicles of Narnia.
Monday, February 09, 2004
Screens. I have screens on my windows. Do you realize what this means? No more cats climbing through my windows! I can feel your excitement.
My Grandma called me to tell me she got a new chair, one that swivels and reclines. Then, she told me that I can have her old chair. The perfect green recliner that is from the 70's, but is in awesome condition. It is the best recliner in the world. It won't match anything I have, and I love that about it.
Joe gave the office a piece of his mind today, and I don't know if I have ever been prouder. He told the principal, the administrator, and everyone else, "You sit in here and talk and create problems and then expect the rest of us to fix everything . . ." It was a great moment.
We also got accused of not knowing English today. The 6th graders are selling balloons, but when the Administrator looked up the word in a Spanish/ English dictionary, she found the word "inflatables." She then told us that balloons were only those cheap plastic ones, but the silver backed ones with words and pictures are inflatables. After a drawn-out argument, she declared herself the winner and put on all notices, the "6th Grade Inflatables Sale" now she's mad that no one understands what inflatables are. I guess it must be hard to be so smart that no one understands you.
"God can't give us happiness and peace apart from Himself, because it is not there. There is no such thing." C.S. Lewis
My Grandma called me to tell me she got a new chair, one that swivels and reclines. Then, she told me that I can have her old chair. The perfect green recliner that is from the 70's, but is in awesome condition. It is the best recliner in the world. It won't match anything I have, and I love that about it.
Joe gave the office a piece of his mind today, and I don't know if I have ever been prouder. He told the principal, the administrator, and everyone else, "You sit in here and talk and create problems and then expect the rest of us to fix everything . . ." It was a great moment.
We also got accused of not knowing English today. The 6th graders are selling balloons, but when the Administrator looked up the word in a Spanish/ English dictionary, she found the word "inflatables." She then told us that balloons were only those cheap plastic ones, but the silver backed ones with words and pictures are inflatables. After a drawn-out argument, she declared herself the winner and put on all notices, the "6th Grade Inflatables Sale" now she's mad that no one understands what inflatables are. I guess it must be hard to be so smart that no one understands you.
"God can't give us happiness and peace apart from Himself, because it is not there. There is no such thing." C.S. Lewis
Friday, February 06, 2004
Is it ok that I still kind of have a crush on Malcolm Jamal Warner? Especially now with those dreadlocks he sports. Me gusta mucho!
You know, I have been so whiny lately, that I have forgotten how to just appreciate all the little things in my life.
Today, I think I will let you know some "little" reasons I love and appreciate Joe-- for some reason, a few of these might be food-centered because I am starving!
1) I know he'll eat whatever I cook
2) He likes green peppers, onions, and mushrooms too
3) He'll let me eat Oreos while he eats Snackwell Chocolate Sandwich Cookies without making me feel guilty
4) We can watch Golden Girls together and just laugh, laugh, laugh
5) We can get dressed up and go dancing or sit around in our pajamas watching Coal Miner's Daughter and be just as comfortable
6) I trust him to just "pick something up for dinner"
7) I can't keep track of who paid for what last
8) He trusts me
9) I trust him
10) He listens to me when I worry about how much I'll miss Puerto Rico, and I know he understands.
And just to "add spice" . . .
The 3 reasons I love my little sister, Lisa
1) I still laugh remembering how demanding she used to be to "go somewhere" and would pout and run in her room if I didn't take her with me, and I almost always give in.
2) She is one of the funniest people I know, and she is rarely in a bad or sad mood.
3) I can tell her anything, and I know she is really interested in anything that is going on in my life.
This section of the blog is dedicated to all our deceased pets in memoriam: Moonie, Ruth, Penny, Missy, Mr. E, Piggie, Amos (A.K.A. Hank, Boy), and the countless birds, hamsters, fish that have gone through our lives.
You know, I have been so whiny lately, that I have forgotten how to just appreciate all the little things in my life.
Today, I think I will let you know some "little" reasons I love and appreciate Joe-- for some reason, a few of these might be food-centered because I am starving!
1) I know he'll eat whatever I cook
2) He likes green peppers, onions, and mushrooms too
3) He'll let me eat Oreos while he eats Snackwell Chocolate Sandwich Cookies without making me feel guilty
4) We can watch Golden Girls together and just laugh, laugh, laugh
5) We can get dressed up and go dancing or sit around in our pajamas watching Coal Miner's Daughter and be just as comfortable
6) I trust him to just "pick something up for dinner"
7) I can't keep track of who paid for what last
8) He trusts me
9) I trust him
10) He listens to me when I worry about how much I'll miss Puerto Rico, and I know he understands.
And just to "add spice" . . .
The 3 reasons I love my little sister, Lisa
1) I still laugh remembering how demanding she used to be to "go somewhere" and would pout and run in her room if I didn't take her with me, and I almost always give in.
2) She is one of the funniest people I know, and she is rarely in a bad or sad mood.
3) I can tell her anything, and I know she is really interested in anything that is going on in my life.
This section of the blog is dedicated to all our deceased pets in memoriam: Moonie, Ruth, Penny, Missy, Mr. E, Piggie, Amos (A.K.A. Hank, Boy), and the countless birds, hamsters, fish that have gone through our lives.
Monday, February 02, 2004
Ellen made today better. After work and a quick stop for Chicken, Yucca, and Tostones, we watched Ellen's stand-up on DVD. It made me feel so much better.
Joe and I both had rotten-doubting-everything days. I know a list again would be tiring especially when there would be several repeats off of Friday's list, but give me a second. I think Joe put it well when he said, "I have worked at factories where they scream at you, and I expect that, but here, you just expect things to be . . . different." We work in a Christian school with ungodly leadership. Nothing at LCC taught me how to deal with them. After three years, I have to realize I can't change people. I have to leave that to God. Why is it so hard to leave things to Him? He is stronger, wiser, more capable, and loves me more than I love me.
God, be in control.
Joe and I both had rotten-doubting-everything days. I know a list again would be tiring especially when there would be several repeats off of Friday's list, but give me a second. I think Joe put it well when he said, "I have worked at factories where they scream at you, and I expect that, but here, you just expect things to be . . . different." We work in a Christian school with ungodly leadership. Nothing at LCC taught me how to deal with them. After three years, I have to realize I can't change people. I have to leave that to God. Why is it so hard to leave things to Him? He is stronger, wiser, more capable, and loves me more than I love me.
God, be in control.
