reedy's rambles

We ate outside at a great Greek restaurant. We drank a bottle of wine and ordered enough food for a million people. This was just SoeYun's food.

I missed this one while I was gone though. I think she needs to come with me next time.

I am on the verge of meanness. Less daylight makes me a meaner person. I want to tell people lots of mean things. Things I feel bad about thinking, but just need to let go.

On my list today:

* You're an idiot.
* You married an idiot.
* Enough.
* Stop talking to me.
* Stop asking me questions.
* You are pretentious.
* You think you are better, but you are not.
* You made a stupid decision.
* You pretend that you care about people, but you are a liar.
* You smell bad.
* Who do you think you are?
* I think you may be crazy.

Wow, that did not make me feel even remotely better. I am not sure I can deal with the lack of daylight. Strange thought: Inside light seems so fake and too dim. I can't get it bright enough!

Every morning I walk into my first hour class, and just look at them. And then I ask them, "Have I ever told you guys that I just love being your teacher?" I then punctuate the question with something I love about them. Sometimes they roll their eyes and sometimes they play along with me. Today, one of my students replied, "Who are you? Our teacher will be back any second and she will be mad that you are trying to take her place." It made us all laugh on a Monday morning.

I love my first hour class. It is a good thing to start your day off easy. I think 8th graders might be my favorite grade level. On Friday, we had pop tarts and talked about our books we were reading. I loved it. We even laminated a poster that said, "That book was good." A student who has refused to read for years finally finished a book-- thanks to the Bluford Series.

I like my house. I like my dog. I have good friends. I have let go of things that weighed me down. I know who I am and what I believe in. I am excited about fall (if it ever gets here). I have enough money (with a bit too much debt). I like being a teacher, and I love my students.

But, sometimes still I miss Puerto Rico so much, I think my heart could explode. My grandma keeps telling me she has heard about rises in crime. I know they pay taxes now. And I know it is a part of me. I miss the church there. I miss the history. I miss the ocean. I miss the streets. I just miss it. I miss who I was there. I miss living with Joe. I miss Joe being OK.

Here is good. I like here, but part of me is still there, and that just plain hurts somedays.